Poem: By You

My breath escapes me, words are lost from me, speech is robbed from me,

By you my darling.

Hope made alive in me, smiles drawn out from me, joy instilled in me,

By you my darling.

What was once cold inside of me, flares with life in me, what was closed now opened,

By you my darling.

By you.

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Oh. Oh No

I haven’t been struck by lightening since ex mr chop. Not only did I get struck by lightening today, I felt something come back alive in me that has been cold and buried for a really long time. That sensation of falling down a rabbit hole and inviting it? I haven’t wanted that in such a long long time and today I’m just going with it.

And I shall name him the music man. Haha, which is actually really perfect. He is just soooo easy to talk to! No odd silences because there was just soo much to talk about and he can just chat and chat and he’s so lovely to listen to. We have so much in common and he is pretty much everything that I know I need and want in someone. He has the humour and the banter, the same interests but will inspire me to grow. He has the charm without the smarm, he has the smile and the smarts, the sarcasm, fun. He is someone who I know would look after me but wouldn’t make me lose myself. Hes been through life, been through intense life situations, is an older sibling, knows what he wants, knows who he is. Hes the adult I’ve been looking for who isn’t completely there yet, hes still growing and so I can grow with him :). He is so sweet and lovely!! With him I feel that…spark. I haven’t felt that spark since the ex chop, I didn’t think I would feel the spark again!

I know it is really early days and who knows what the future is going to be like or if we will even make each other happy. Who knows if we are both honest about our intentions. Only giving it a chance will let me know though and even though I am terrified of what could happen and so scared of what I am feeling, I forgot how alive clicking with someone can make me feel, how hopeful and excited and amazed at how things can just happen. If I hadn’t taken a chance on him, if we hadn’t taken a chance on each other, than this would never have happened! Which is weird to think about, why him, why now? Am I ready? Am I worth it? I know I have a lot more to offer nowadays, I’m much less of a mess than I was. Already we’ve both broken boundaries with each other that we hide behind.

I can not wait to see how this one pans out!