Valetentines Ansyness

I don’t know. I know that I have only ever had one great valentines. I honestly don’t like this day, I even have the pick of two different guys and I still don’t want to do anything or commit to anything. I don’t want that pressure, I don’t want everyone’s lovey doveyness shoved in my face. I think I use to like this day and I use to hope for something.

I’m pretty sure I use to be this relationship loving pro-monogamous romantic fool. I just don’t really feel that anymore? I’m perfectly content on my own, I’m perfectly content getting laid. Yeah, I really like duff and mexican man, seeing them makes me happy. But its not a necessary happy? I’ve been wondering if after ex mr chop, when I completely shut myself down and off from people, even though I know I’ve recovered, I think that lovey part of me has either died or is still encased to protect itself. I don’t know if it will ever thaw out but I’m willing to work on it.

I don’t know what it is. I feel really ansy about today. Its weird seeing ex mr chop posting all over facebook again. Meh

Valentines Day

Just going to put it out there, I know I sound like every other singleton out there but this really is the suckiest of all sucky holidays. And why is it even a holiday? Wheres the single and fabulous day? Generally v-day doesn’t get to me and I’ve always said that its a bit of a shit concept but this year I have uber hate for it; I don’t even know why cause I’ve only ever had one actually good valentines day, the rest (that I was with someone) were a bit shit, either predictable or disappointing. Plus I’ve always had the added blah factor of feeling bad that every year my mum was alone. So I guess I’m lucky that at least I’ve had one amazing valentines day in my life, even though I had to work that day aha, the rest of it was actually perfect and how many people get to say that?

I’m glad in a way I’m not having to sit through a forced romantic boring dinner and then feel obliged to have sex afterwards. I know this isn’t how it is for everyone but that is the norm for most people on the night. Give me a picnic with cheap ass cava and strawberries sat in the open boot of a car parked on the beach anyday. Forget crappy presents and card shop gifts, actually be in love with me enough to be able to simply say I Love You because you already tell me everyday how beautiful I am and how lucky you are to be with me, it doesn’t need for this one day for it to be said. I think what made that one valentines day really perfect was purely the fact he was so excited to share the day with me, just like I was so excited to share the day with him.

Yeah, I am very lucky I had that valentines day. But I’m still fucking hating the thought of tomorrow, a lot