Poem: Haunted

Asleep, awake, alert; you haunt me.

Everything we use to share; music, passions, jokes and smiles; they haunt me.

Corners have shadows that look like you, move like you, play like you; the darkness haunts me.

You were my never ending dream, now my unshakeable nightmare.

You were my always and forever, now I wish I could exorcise you.

Memories burned on the inside of my eyes forever, memories that whisper sweet nothings to me day in, day out,

My love; you haunt me

Poem: Anger

I am addicted to my anger, to the bitter taste of it in my mouth.

I am addicted to my anger, to the warmth it brings to me.

I am addicted to my anger, I feed from it, it is a part of me,

a blackness in my soul, a never ending well full of twisted shapes and broken promises.

I can see my  anger leaking from my eyes, hear it on my breath,

My anger takes the shape of your name and I scream

Cunt

Brian is a fucking cunt. Posting about how much he changed in bad way because of being with me and how it was ok being with me but he lost soooo many mates by spending time with me.

FUCK OFF YOU LYING FUCKING ASSHOLE CUNT!

Changed? Thats funny cause I still have a little ‘love letter’ from him saying how he was able to be the person he could never show anyone. Posts saying how in love he was with me and how happy he was and how he fell in love with his best friend and it was amazing.

Fucking Liar.

And all this shit about losing mates cause of the time he spent with me is such utter BOLLOCKS! I NEVER stopped him from seeing people, I fucking encouraged it!! And so many people have said to me since the split thats hes a shit friend, always has been cause he just can never be fucked to make any effort. The amount of times I said why don’t you go hang out with so and so or invite so and so out or to the house or to parties.

It makes me really sick that he had the fucking balls to post such utter trash.

Fuck you Brian. I’m sorry that being in a relationship means having to think of someone apart from yourself. I’m sorry that it means being in a partnership. I’m sorry that life can be hard and not always sunshine and fairies. But fuck you for being a lying dickhead cuntbag.

There was so much that was amazing between us, I’m so upset that hes now ruined the good memories I had, especially through such lying bullshit!!!!

I really do have such hate for him now, he ruined everything that made us great, blamed me for shit that wasn’t my fault, shit that wasn’t even true, made out it was so horrible being with me when it was only the last month that was a bit rough. He was the untrusting shit, he thinks he was so fucking easy to be with, thinks he was (is) mr perfect. Fuck off, grow the fuck up you peter pan wannabe. Fuck you for throwing all the great times back in my face. Fuck you for being such an arrogant asshole. Fuck you for managing to hurt me again.

Fuck you

Poem: You Did This

So empty, so hollow, so lost inside.

Can you hear me crying, screaming, can you see?

This is you, this is what you’ve achieved.

Do you ever sit and think, while feeling so alive,

As I go through the motions,

If I truly survived?

Do you have any heart left, do you stop and say,

What did I do,

How did I do it,

How did I?

Poem: Stranger

Hello stranger, you’ve come just in time,

I was starting to think that you’d never arrive.

Hello stranger, where have you been?

That picture is worn now from all that its seen.

Hello stranger, is that really your face?

Its different somehow, older, more traced.

Don’t be a stranger, please don’t stay away,

I need you more now, in every way.

From Married To Single

Changing my facebook status from in a relationship with the ex to single was traumatising, so much so, moo married me and its actually been a real comfort to not read nothing or single in my status thing. However, I have been thinking that its time to accept my single status and embrace it instead of being saddened or ashamed of it, as well as the fact my wife is now in a place where I could see she needed to not be married to me anymore so I’ve been dropping a few hints here and there about divorce and today flat out said, its time.

At first I was a massive coward and just left it blank and then I thought no, this is me, this is who I am and so I am now officially, for the first time in my facebook history, single.

I know its only a small thing but its scary. To admit I’m alone. I actually feel sad about having to divorce my facebook wife but it hit me, this recognition of the need to embrace the ‘single’ part of me, I’m moving on. I’ve finally reached the getting on with life, not holding on to anything anymore stage and yes its very sad and weird but its time and I’m glad.

Or fuck it, I might just marry my Lezzer lover instead aha

Doesn’t make sense

How can I be soo sure how right we are together and meant for each other and you can be soo sure that we’re not? How can I be such a mess and you don’t even feel bad about it let alone miss me?

I have such a craving to talk to you! we went 10months talking to each other every day, seeing each other basically every day, living together to nothing! Yeah I want hugs and cuddles and kisses but I also want my friend! I want to chat and tell stories about whats been going on.

I’ve accepted you want nothing to do with me, I’m just finding it so hard, you always told me we would still be friends and of course it was going to take time to get to that place but you did the worst possible thing and just completely cut me out. A friend would have helped me through this anyway they could, not be horrible and ignore my existence.

I still can’t believe you could just walk away from us