Final Countdown…

I have been working my arse off all freaking day to get all this shit done for monday and my two finals. I actually got a lot done, documentary, research paper, the presentation which is my second final. I need to do two journal response entries but I think I’m just going to do the one and call it a day. Girl needs her sleep! Egh, this week is going to be soooo long!!

So was hanging out with chick and doogy last night when he lets slip that he got ‘the full extended version of why you and ex mexican man broke up, why he broke up with you’ and gives me this look as if to say yeah, I know allll about you. So I was like well what does that mean and he wouldn’t say which is fair enough, bro code, but then the kept going on about how it was mexican man’s first ‘serious, well not serious but first ever relationship’, which is mexican man’s words verbatim. The ‘serious’ thing hurt cause yeah I get it, he wasn’t really in to it but I genuinely cared about him and I think deep down I really did need someone who understood the whole baby thing cause it happened to him as well. I’m kind of mad that he went out of his way to talk shit about me (and knowing guys and knowing that our last few fights were about his lack of time and attention, I’m sure I got painted as the crazy clingy lady even though I barely called, texted, never facebooked him and we would hang out once a week if that). I haven’t been the crazy stalker ex, I haven’t tried to get back with him, I’ve respected what he wanted and left him the fuck alone. I didn’t let on to his family about the pregz, I didn’t go around telling people (and I swear, if that is what doogy meant, I am going to fucking kill mexican man. After telling his family. Especially as my family found out and know, why should I be the only one?). I haven’t talked a mean game about him to anyone, if I’ve ever vented its been on here where no one knows me or him. Its just not fucking fair, I’ve worked hard to not have a reputation over here and I will be damned if he fucks it up. Bastard.

Home in 6 days, weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

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She Jersey Shore’d Me!

Last night was party at mr BMW’s parent’s place, usual crowd and a few different people. Was such a fucking dramatic spectacle! Holy christ! First, wrestler gets all drunk and emotional and keeps having to be talked off the edge by the gf who officially is openly hating me now “I’m surprised you’re not wearing one of your ‘party’ dresses” “I nearly stepped on her head!…Good”. WTF DID THE DRESS COMMENT MEAN?? Sorry that I wear dresses and leggings and not just jeans and tshirt all the time. I’m sorry I have a good sense of style whereas you already dress like a soccer mum who has given up. Fuck you. Then there is batshit crazy who I totally accidentally bump in to, a small bit of her drink gets on her, I immediately apologise and she after a few minutes decides to dump her whole drink over me Jersey Shore style! BITCH I AM FROM SHIRLEY, I WILL FUCK YOU UP. And then finally, to top the whole evening off, S gets pissed at me cause I didn’t think it was a huge deal that mr BMW was playing with the music.

These people are all fucking insane.

Then this morning I wake up to wrestler dude who had texted me saying that I turned my back on him, didn’t support him and that we needed to talk cause he wanted to give me the benefit of the doubt. What benefit of what doubt??? I was so fucking confused and then all day its just been back and forth and you know what, I am tired of these people treating me like a FUCKING OBJECT. I’ve ‘claimed’ you, you’re mine. What?! I am a fucking person! I will be your friend but I am not a fucking pet or iphone or something. I appreciate that it means these people really care about me but back the fuck off.

I am consistently single, I know how to be single, I don’t see anything wrong with being single. But goddamn, I have never had a group of people make me feel so shit about it before! Its so easy to start drama with me cause its just me defending myself. Its easy to make me the punching bag cause I don’t have an other half in my corner. Fuck that! Don’t fucking disrespect me just because I don’t have a fucking boyfriend! At least I can spend more than 5 mins on my own without going mad, at least I have my own life and not one that I have to share with someone, at least I can make my own decisions, at least I can live the way I want. Relationships are nice and shit but that doesn’t mean not being in a relationship is a total downer. Assholes.

I know I’m really angry because of all the stupid shit last night and cause it’s day one of monthlies. It wasn’t a bad night to be honest, pageant girl showed up and we hung out and that was really fun, got my drink on and made some new friends. Bonded with BMW guy and airsoft guy. Now I am just going to avoid everyone for a while haha.

Just about 3 weeks before going home. I am trying so hard not to think about it because I just want it to be now. I want to go and see my moo and loverr and treacle and Bournemouth and London and soak it all in. I want to see him, every single particle in me is vibrating thinking about it, thinking about if he will get in touch, if we will see each other, what will happen, what won’t happen. Will I be fine, will I be devastated? I just want to know.

Fucking hell I hope he gets in touch

Arrival

So I am officially in Alaska, got in about 2am on saturday morning minus one bag which didn’t turn up till last night but thankfully made it seeing as it had ALL of my clothes in it! Am feeling a lot more human this morning as made sure I didn’t nap after getting up about 8am saturday and went to bed about 11pm last night. It’s now half7am, been up since 7 but am feeling ok.

Little worried about my legs. On the plane they totally seized up and I kept getting these sharp pains in them that still haven’t really gone away and I kind of have to admit that high sugars makes them feel worse. Dad has set me up with an appointment with an endo on the 21st of July to start sorting me out.

Before I got here ESM decorated my room and it is amazing!! Rich purple and silver/grey fabrics eveywhere, silver/gold sparkling walls, massive mirror, massive chest of drawers in a dark pine (hate light pine), a framed purple flowers print and mass cute pic of lil sis. I even have this massive plant that just looks great and a chandelier light fixture dad put in. Its pretty much my dream room.

Haven’t called boss lady yet as was soooo tired yesterday so am giving her a ring on monday to discuss the job. Blah but at least I have the prospect of a job to earn some moolah!

Lil sis is a person now and is so freaking cute! She talks and sings and entertains and is like a little shadow. I think ESM thought I was getting annoyed at lil sis yesterday cause she is the BOSSIEST little person aha ‘come sit here…colour this not this’. But she really wasn’t, I love having her around. She even helped me put my stuff away, I’d point out something to grab and she would bring it to me although it was more fun to keep turning the walk in light on and off so that ‘taytee, its to dark…all better…taytee its to dark…all better’. Awwww lol.

More to come