And I want it to go well, I really really do, I really want to go in and wow and get the job. But I talked to mum. And I miss home. I miss being me
So she started off as the julia stiles lookalike who I sort of got on with at work and all of a sudden shes turned in to a best friend; family. Shes not my moo, no one will ever be my moo, its like moo is my wifey and ms italia chica is our love child, shes exactly what our daughter would be like. Its really funny, theres me the head of the clan then a year younger is moo and then a year younger than moo is chica. I keep finding parts of myself in the most unexpected people. I’m glad I found chica, she keeps me sane, keeps me smiling and even manages to look out for me. Shes even gotten her parents on the whole job hunt thing for me! Who love me by the way, especially her dad for some reason! I think they realise I’m a good friend for their daughter to have and its nice to be thought of in that way. I feel very lucky to have my moo and my chica in my life and yeah, no one will EVER replace moochop but then no one will ever replace chica either.
I’ve been here for about 5, nearly 6 months and things haven’t really changed. I’m still not actively going for what I want or need, I’m in an extreme amount of pain constantly and I still don’t really give a damn about life. I just don’t, I don’t care if I’m around, I feel tired thinking of all the life I have yet to live and deep down I’m still hoping that one day one of my many medical things will just very quickly finish me off. I just don’t have the energy, the motivation or the willingness to be around. I would never do anything to harm myself because I really believe that, that is one of the most selfish and horrifying things you can do to the people who love you. But if something out of my control was to happen then that wouldn’t be the same thing. Getting up and showered and dressed and motivated enough to even do those simple things is really hard. And I don’t know what to do