Seriously. Surrounded. If I am sat in the spine studying, I am either sat near that one crazy dick who looks like he’s about to take people out or the couple fighting, the girl talking to herself, being joined by random guys who decide that me studying DURING FINALS is the best time to chat me up. Or I am at the annex with the super angry guy who likes to yell at the computer and cuss it out or the random guy who is one second sitting and the next booking it out of the room in what I can only assume is an attempt to blow shit up and get out of the way first and now a guy having a whole fucking conversation to himself. Amd the guy who booked it out all of a sudden came back and then walked out all evil villain style, flipping his hoodie up. I am legit scared. I want to leave.
This is so totally insane. I have this group of friends. I’m at uni doing well. I am a founding member of the UAA division of The National Society of Leadership & Success, I am a write in candidate for a USUAA Board Senator, S wants me in Tri Sig, had a date with a really sweet guy tonight who got me flowers and wants to see me again asap, have J planning stripper night next week so we can judge the competition and also has a guy she wants to introduce me to, am moving out in Jan. I have this crazy life right now which isn’t crazy, it’s totally normal! I’m just not use to having a bunch of people and a bunch of things going on in my life. It is getting to the point where when I am alone I’m miserable! I use to love my own company and now I hate when I don’t have something going on! Which is why the super depressing post before this. I like being insanely busy! Weird.
And yet, I still miss him. I still wish he was in my life in some way. I still can’t really give myself to anyone else cause I’m still hoping and hope as we know is the killer. I’m hoping I get home and he contacts me. I hope we see each other. I hope we can sort us out. And if we can’t, I at least hope that I finally finally just let go and walk away
Finally finally got my stuff back from ex mexican man after another plea for it. Of course mr no balls saw I was in and still dumped it on the porch instead of knocking on the door and engaging in a 30 second conversation which would have gone along the lines of ‘hey, thanks, bye’. Whatever, its all squared away with now and I can go back to having no reason to talk to him again. Ever. Its just so confusing to me, he can be friends with all his exes, he can be friends with the ex who apparently really cut him up but he can’t be friends with me? Or even a semi-decent human being? I’ve managed it, I haven’t been mean or spiteful, I haven’t stalked him, I haven’t tried to get him to get back with me. If I have engaged in conversation I’ve always been really nice and cordial, so what gives? Fucking boys.
I have been extended an invitation to homecoming! Have been getting along with this guy, goes to UAA, 26, seems very nice. Had an impromptu coffee/lunch date yesterday which is where the whole homecoming thing came up. This will be my first American college dance thing so I’m definitely looking forward to it. I don’t think much is really going to happen with this guy, he is def on the rebound and I am kind of preoccupied with going home at christmas as well as actually wanting a relationship. I know its a lot to ask but I would really like to be with someone who wants to be with me. That’s it, that is the only real requirement. I don’t care about careers or cars or money or looks or any of that shit. I just want to be with someone who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them. I want someone who wants to hang out, who wants to talk and cuddle and do things together. Who will miss me and love me and hold my hand without me feeling like I’m making them.
Sometimes I think I’m asking too much which is sad because all I’m asking for is the standard bare minimum that anyone should give or get