I really can’t believe I came all the way back to see ex mr chop and it isn’t going to happen. I’m not going to see him. I’m not going to get that chat I’ve wanted since he left, I’m not going to see truth in what he’s told me over the years. It’s not just not going to happen either, it’s very clear from this that it won’t ever happen. It’s so disappointing.

It’s a good thing I’m going back next week, I’ve caused enough problems by being here as it is. Farmer boi is all mixed up in me and imagining a future that will never happen, once again being a bad seed for the ex ex, bro is pissed that I’ve had my old room while being here, had way too much ‘family’ time.

Finally met mr moo. I can see why she likes him and he definitely made an effort for my being there and was very hospitable. I don’t necessarily like the way he talks to her sometimes and he has a very obvious controlling side to him. But he has stood by her through everything she’s been going through and for that I am grateful to him.

Brighton this weekend which will be a laugh. Then a week and I am back to my reality


Fair play, I said that he would have to get in touch and he did. And I said that he had prob forgotten I was even home and he didn’t. I don’t honestly see why he wants to get a drink or anything though, as much as I want to see him, it’s not like how he wants to see me. It’s like how me and the ex ex are. He wants to really see me in the way I really want to see ex mr chop but ex mr chop only wants to see me in the way it’s nice for me to see the ex ex; it’s nothing more than just a friendly catch up. Confusing I know but it makes sense to me. I feel like the ex mr chop even feels bad for me, hiding his relationship status even though that was hardly necessary; been there, seen it, accepted it (mostly, haha), so it’s ok, no need to feel pity and have to hide the girlfriend from the crazy ex. He didn’t even want to see me on his own, had to be like for an hour with his friend by his side, awesome. I mean I really do appreciate the gesture, I just guess right now I’m disappointed that reality always wins over expectations and that I never learn otherwise.

Soooooo excited to see my girls and bomo tomorrow though!!!