Last night was party at mr BMW’s parent’s place, usual crowd and a few different people. Was such a fucking dramatic spectacle! Holy christ! First, wrestler gets all drunk and emotional and keeps having to be talked off the edge by the gf who officially is openly hating me now “I’m surprised you’re not wearing one of your ‘party’ dresses” “I nearly stepped on her head!…Good”. WTF DID THE DRESS COMMENT MEAN?? Sorry that I wear dresses and leggings and not just jeans and tshirt all the time. I’m sorry I have a good sense of style whereas you already dress like a soccer mum who has given up. Fuck you. Then there is batshit crazy who I totally accidentally bump in to, a small bit of her drink gets on her, I immediately apologise and she after a few minutes decides to dump her whole drink over me Jersey Shore style! BITCH I AM FROM SHIRLEY, I WILL FUCK YOU UP. And then finally, to top the whole evening off, S gets pissed at me cause I didn’t think it was a huge deal that mr BMW was playing with the music.
These people are all fucking insane.
Then this morning I wake up to wrestler dude who had texted me saying that I turned my back on him, didn’t support him and that we needed to talk cause he wanted to give me the benefit of the doubt. What benefit of what doubt??? I was so fucking confused and then all day its just been back and forth and you know what, I am tired of these people treating me like a FUCKING OBJECT. I’ve ‘claimed’ you, you’re mine. What?! I am a fucking person! I will be your friend but I am not a fucking pet or iphone or something. I appreciate that it means these people really care about me but back the fuck off.
I am consistently single, I know how to be single, I don’t see anything wrong with being single. But goddamn, I have never had a group of people make me feel so shit about it before! Its so easy to start drama with me cause its just me defending myself. Its easy to make me the punching bag cause I don’t have an other half in my corner. Fuck that! Don’t fucking disrespect me just because I don’t have a fucking boyfriend! At least I can spend more than 5 mins on my own without going mad, at least I have my own life and not one that I have to share with someone, at least I can make my own decisions, at least I can live the way I want. Relationships are nice and shit but that doesn’t mean not being in a relationship is a total downer. Assholes.
I know I’m really angry because of all the stupid shit last night and cause it’s day one of monthlies. It wasn’t a bad night to be honest, pageant girl showed up and we hung out and that was really fun, got my drink on and made some new friends. Bonded with BMW guy and airsoft guy. Now I am just going to avoid everyone for a while haha.
Just about 3 weeks before going home. I am trying so hard not to think about it because I just want it to be now. I want to go and see my moo and loverr and treacle and Bournemouth and London and soak it all in. I want to see him, every single particle in me is vibrating thinking about it, thinking about if he will get in touch, if we will see each other, what will happen, what won’t happen. Will I be fine, will I be devastated? I just want to know.
Fucking hell I hope he gets in touch