I am a fucking liar, to myself mainly. Of course I want to fucking know who this blonde girl is, has he finally met someone else, should I just be worried. Of course I want it not to be, I want to come home and have the fairy tale ending. I know, I know in my head that this is not how life works, I am not amazing enough for him to want to come back with me and I am not staying there. My head knows that I am building up all of this stuff in my head which is just going to crush me and part of me doesn’t even know if I do want him! Why go back there, why trust this person who is still this all talk unreliable lad who just wants to get drunk. I am so worried about looking amazeballs for this one person who doesn’t give one shit let alone two. AND IT IS ALL I CAN FUCKING THINK ABOUT! Gah!
Then there is allll this shit with this taken guy who I know I like, who I know likes me, and I’m pretty sure we both know what the other is thinking. ‘Seeing you would be the highlight of my week…you’re fantastic’. Yeah, not helpful.
Apparently I only want guys who are unattainable or don’t want me. Excellent