I am partly responsible for the demise of both ex mr chop and ex mexican man. I have this super amazing special ability where I think I can ‘predict’ all the things that are going to go wrong and then I worry about them and bring them up, point them out and before you know it, the problems exist and ruin everything. So what came first, the neurotic girl or the problem? Did the problem actually exist hence my worry or did my worry make the problem exist? I do this a lot I think, not just with my relationships but with school and work and friendships and future events. I feel like I definitely pushed away B and E by doing this, I think it makes it seem like I don’t trust them, us, the relationship and also maybe like I’m trying to push them away. I’m really not, I just need to feel some sort of control over my life, I hate not knowing what could happen, I want to preempt the bad so I can prepare for it and hopefully avoid it. Except most of the time I am the only one who sees this ‘bad’ and once seen, it cannot usually be unseen and this is where it falls apart.
For future reference I need to avoid making mountains out of molehills and just let it be. I just hope that next time I can heed my own words for a change