For Reals This Time

Deleted the messages and blocked from facebook and for real this time. No unblocking in the next couple of days, no tears, no sadness. This is what needs to be done, we both really really need to just let it go and move on. I don’t want ex mr chop to be the one because that means I will never be happy again. I don’t want that, I want to be able to give my current and/or any future relationships a real try. I want things with my boyfriend to be good, I want him to be the only one I think about and I’m mad at myself because typically he is. Yes every now and again ex mr chop would creep in to my head and yes me and the boyfriend have been having some issues recently but he is in my heart, I truly care about him and there is not a single part of me that wants to hurt or to lose him. I also want ex mr chop to be happy and not miss me or still love me because that’s not healthy and he should find someone as well. We did actually try the friends thing which is why I think this time is different from before; there are no maybes and no wonderings. I know that we can not be friends and it’s sad but there isn’t anything that either one of us can do.

It’s sort of crazy but I feel like this might be a really positive step for me and the boyfriend because more than ever I know how much I want to be with him and only him

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