The most painful thought is knowing how your life is meant to turn out and the most difficult realisation is knowing it never will be.
To me a soulmate is your own soul’s recognition in another. It is as if the whole world suddenly narrows down until all you can see is this one person and you know they are special, you don’t know why, but you know that this person is going to change you. Completely. Forever. Nothing will stop you from being with this person. Except of course if they all of a sudden develop complete retardedness and leave you for no fucking reason and then are too chicken shit to fix the situation until it is too goddamn late.
Sorry I fucked up what could have been the rest of our lives, I miss you, I’m sorry and I think I will always love you. Really? Now? 3 years later? Are you fucking kidding me? Each sentence was like another bullet through the shield I’ve concocted around myself and once again I am left defenseless and full of these muthfucking holes!
I really like my boyfriend. A part of me does love him because I care for him and he could have potentially been the Y to my X chromosome. I am not in love with him but maybe one day I could be? But I don’t think its fair. I don’t want to still be in love with someone else and just merely be making do. Maybe that’s why my boyfriend doesn’t know how he feels about me or doesn’t love me. Maybe a part of him knows that my heart is not 100% in it. Unless I am. I feel like I could be? 100% in it.
I just have all these bullet holes….