Is There Such A Thing?

Had a facebook message from ex mr chop today ‘Honest drunk question. Have you (since breaking up) had sex as good as we had when together?? Cause tbf its gona be hard to beat lol Because we were awesome dans la sack haha xx’. Firstly, is there such a thing as an ‘honest’ drunk question? Cause generally there are motives behind asking questions, especially when drunk and all reminiscing. I mean, I’m pretty sure what happened here was a drunk horny ex mr chop saw me on facebook chat, remembered that yes, we did have pretty great sex and decided to bring it up. I also think he was probably hoping for a reply along the lines of ohh nooo you are the bestest everrr!

Ok so truthfully yes, the sex I had with him was the best sex I’ve ever had, no I haven’t had sex that even comes close since we finished. Was I going to admit that to him? Fuck no! Fuck no I’m not going to boost his shitty fucking ego up and make him think that I miss him in any sort of way. Back in the day I’d have totally told the truth in the hopes that he’d be all happy and somehow we’d end up in the getting back together conversation. I didn’t want to be mean either so I just laughed it off and was like yes and no. Which is a lie wrapped in the truth. There have been instances of really good sex but what ex mr chop doesn’t understand is, for me, the sex with him was only so amazing because it wasn’t just great sex, it was great sex with someone I was so in love with. It was great sex with my best friend who I believed was as in love with me as I was with him. Sex for me isn’t just about the act. What makes it great for me is how I feel about that person. Which is why I haven’t had anything that is comparable; I haven’t been with someone that I feel as or more strongly for.

So now yeah, I feel all achy and sad. It really hurts my feelings that he can’t not do this, can’t not take it too far, can’t just leave what we were alone. It doesn’t hurt him in the same way because he didn’t feel the same things that I did and he knows this, how many times have we tried being ‘friends’ until he just has to go and ruin it all? I guess he will never understand why he needs to leave certain things alone for the exact reason that it doesn’t affect him in the same way and if I want to be ‘friends’ I will just have to put up with it and accept that. Even if it hurts. Why do I have to though? Put up with it? To show I’m over it? How is that fair? Shouldn’t we be friends on equal terms? I’m just tired of always being the one who has to say stop cause it hurts.



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