I actually feel kind of bad about this, I’m not really 100% sure about what the rules are?
Went over to duff’s house the other night, he cooked me dinner and then there was a couple of hours worth of sex, some cuddling and then had to get home. The sex was good, not mind blowing but as first times go with someone new, wasn’t the worst I’ve had by a long shot. Still not hugely impressed with American boys though. He seemed in to it which was nice. The part that sort of freaked me out afterwards was the cuddling. Full on, right on top of each other, big spoon to my little spoon, falling asleep cuddling. Ick. I don’t know, I like that kind of cuddling, but not yet. Not when I’m still not sure how I really feel about him. Also the wanker hasn’t called me since (Ok, to be fair, its been a day but still, if you sleep with a girl, fucking call her the next day!). Overall a mostly enjoyable experience.
I have a date with Mexican man tomorrow night. This I am actually really excited about, I’ve been wanting to properly hang out with him since we went out last Friday. We see each other around campus a bit (I’ve actually turned in to the girl who is now purposefully trying to run in to him. Stalker. Aha) and he is just so handsome and nice and really feel like we have a lot in common. The only thing that sucks is how busy we both are. Him more so than me. I feel like this is a guy I could fall for and its really scary cause I don’t know what his intentions are, I don’t know if that is something he would want, I don’t know if he thinks about me like that or if I’m just a shag that might be a once/twice a week occurrence (you know, when he has the time). He knows really fucking attractive girls, what would he want with me? He is graduating next semester and is done with Anchorage. There are all these factors that could become real problems and yet I sort of don’t care. I mean, I do care cause ultimately going to suck if it ends up being something but at the same time I would rather risk it than not. Which is the first time in a long time that I’ve thought that way, generally its been protection mode.
This is why I feel bad though. I like duff, I like Mexican man, I think i like Mexican man more but then I went ahead and slept with duff? Do they need to know I’m seeing other people? When do I have to make a choice, a decision? Do I owe either of them an explanation? I have a feeling that I’m keeping duff around until I know whats going on with Mexican man which I know is completely awful but I’m not prepared to choose or make a decision about anything yet.
Scariest shit happened yesterday in the Union. I was sat on one of the sofas and on the sofa next to me was this guy who randomly picked up his mobile and started talking about all this supposed information he had on this girl who has recently gone missing. So I called the police, took a picture of him, made a statement and had to wait until he was questioned before I could leave. Scary scary shit. Not scary because I was scared of the guy but scary because what sort of person calls the family saying he has info if he doesn’t, what kind of person has info like this and keeps it to himself all this time? Very strange situation.