Leave It Now So Not Blindsided Later?

I am honestly making decisions based on how I feel rather than how I feel about someone. I feel like I can see what I want, what I don’t want, what something will be, a lot clearer nowadays, a by product I suppose of what I’ve been through.

I went out on the date with mexican man, we hung out with people, went to a few bars, had a really good time and made out. I like him, he’s easy to talk to and funny and smart. Definitely a motivated guy. Attractive, good kisser. Has texted me a few times, wants to see me soon, had a really good time. Apparently we might be hanging out later which might be nice? He’s going to be sorely disappointed though if he’s just in it for the shag cause I’m currently cruising the crimson tide. I think I like him.

Went out with duff can man last night, was his date at his company’s annual dinner. To be honest it was kind of awful at first! Got there, he was just really awkward which made me feel really awkward. It was a room full of older, married, engaged or pregnant chemists, all talking chemist talk, making me feel like an idiotic pre-teen trying to fit in with the ‘grown ups’. He does this thing where he makes me feel small because of my age, that I’m still such a child. Perhaps I’m projecting a few of my own insecurities from the evening on to him and what he was saying but it was still not good. He knew it as well, he later said that he was sorry cause it seemed like I didn’t have a good time. I lied, said I had. We hung out for a bit afterwards, talked. Things he said, like how he wants to be able to vent but doesn’t like people venting to him. Umm what? And how he doesn’t like being told what to do at work (he’s one of those who, when in a managerial position, prefers to be liked rather than making anyone under him work, which I do understand but at the same time, suck it up!), which is why he bounces around a bit with jobs. Not a good sign. I just feel like we are in two different places, he is looking more for an outdoors loving, gun toting republican wifey type and I am the exact opposite to all those things and really not looking to be anyones wifey type. I feel like I should just give it a little more time, see what is going down and then make a decision. He did finally make a move and prove he has man balls which was nice, it was just kind of intense when hes gazing at me and stroking my cheek and being all submissive. I feel like he trys hard to be a reall guys guy and then alone with me will be all…soft? I don’t want to be with another guy where in public he’s a dick and in private he’s a pussy cat. Been there, doesn’t work.

It sucks that I am on my period cause I am just way horny and honestly not really in any state of mind to make decisions about boys when all I want to do is play with a penis


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