That would be the sound of my head exploding. Waaaaay too much is going on right now and I’m totally freaking out and no-one can understand why I’m freaking out and I just want someone to actually listen to me and let me ramble for a bit and give me hug.
I miss the times of bomo house and zoots and random trips to Brighton. I miss A.Summers and friends and hazy days. People tell me I’m supposed to be really excited about starting uni again and I am. I’m also terrified I’m going to fail for real this time and I’m out of running away options. I’m terrified of the date with M, I’m terrified of the date with T. Really terrified about that one actually. I’m nervous about interviews on monday and uni on tuesday and maybe more dates and running out of money and training for new jobs and leaving the people I’ve been around more than my family for the past year and I miss my best friend. I know that me and moo have tried really hard to not let it be different or change us but of course me being here going through all my shit and her being back home going through all her shit and us not being there through all the shit together, of course it changes things. If I was back home going through all of this I would be able to just sit and rant at her and break down and she’d be there.
I think that right now, I’m living life. For a change. It feels like I’m free-falling without a parachute. I feel like I’m out of breath and I’m literally going to have a heart attack and die.
Tomorrow: Date with M. Saturday: Date with T. Monday: Interview. Tuesday: Uni. Too many things to think about