Life happens and it happens constantly. It scares me and it makes me so sad that big important things are going to happen to the both of us and I won’t know and he won’t know. Even the small things, the things that wouldn’t seem important at all but I know would be important to each other. I don’t know if he ever thinks the same way, I don’t know if he has even considered this. All I know is, it hurts to know that life is going to happen to him and I’m going to miss it. What if something awful happens? What if he is hurting and I’m not there? Which is selfish I suppose because its not as if he needs me there for anything that is going to happen or could potentially happen, its my need to be there for him. Its my need because I love him. Its crazy to think that you can feel so strongly for someone and need them so much when they don’t feel for you or need you. I wish things could last. I wish that when you said forever to someone it actually meant something; not just in the moment but actually meant something.
Today is thanksgiving and I am supposed to be thankful and grateful for all the wonderful things in my life. I am grateful that I’m not alone even if I really feel like I am sometimes. I am grateful that I have people in my life who kept me breathing. I’m grateful that I haven’t had to witness him move on; I suppose that makes me grateful for distance. I hope next year I can be grateful and thankful for more progress