Pathetic

I have decided I am the most lowly and pathetic creature alive. I mean seriously, the guy could not have been clearer, I MISS YOU AS A FRIEND KATE. Word for word what he said to me. But then the highlight of my day is getting the most insignificant email from him, sitting here with a beady eye on my hotmail waiting for a glorious message of ‘ex mr chop has sent you a message on facebook’. As soon as that pops up in my inbox I suddenly become all smiles and excitement, over a message as simple as ‘hey whats up’. I try to interpret whatever he says to me to become more than it actually is, ‘any plans for the summer?’. No, why, would you come over, is that what you’re asking, are you asking if I’m coming back, would you care if I did, would you want to meet up, would something happen with us. And so on and so on. Seriously, if I was the friend of me, I would give me a massive smack upside the head.

Its not as if I haven’t been trying to stay away from this situation. I deleted him for bejeebus sakes! I make sure I don’t message him. I made sure I couldn’t stalk him! I’ve been talking to other boys so I’m not thinking about him! But then he sends me a simple email and it all comes crashing down around my ears AGAIN.

Part of me wants to say to him, don’t get in touch with me like I asked you before. The other part wants to say, stay in my life and don’t ever leave ok?

I hate being a girl sometimes

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