What I Want To Say To You

I think trying the whole friends thing has been a mistake. Do you see it? We seem to constantly be commenting on each others things. We talk to each other in the way that started this whole mess. We still use our inside jokes. I know this doesn’t mean anything to you, I know that you won’t understand why I think we need to stop now. I wasn’t hurting, at first. I wasn’t back to missing you deep in my core. I have a chance to really actually move on but all I can think about is you. All I can do is look at your pictures and think how I know that face, I know that smile and I’m back to being confused. Confused on why we aren’t together. I feel that empty hurt and loneliness that I did when you left; that loneliness that eats away at everything and its not fair cause I really have been working on fixing it. I know that when you said you loved me and that I was your soulmate, that you probably thought that you meant it and this is the problem. When you said those things I don’t think you really understood what you were saying and so didn’t really mean it. I don’t think this was on purpose, I just think that you were caught up in the moment. So the problem is, when I said that I loved you, when I said that you were the one, I meant it with everything I had. I still mean it. I DON’T WANT TO MEAN IT ANYMORE! I am SO TIRED of meaning it! FUCK YOU FOR BEING OK. FUCK YOU FOR GETTING OVER IT DAYS AFTER YOU LEFT. FUCK YOU FOR MAKING ME FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU. FUCK YOU FOR MAKING ME THINK YOU WERE FOREVER. FUCK YOU FOR MAKING ME THINK YOU WERE DIFFERENT. FUCK YOU FOR LEAVING. FUCK YOU FOR MESSING WITH MY HEAD AFTER YOU LEFT. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU FOR COMING BACK IN TO MY LIFE.

Fuck me for letting you

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One thought on “What I Want To Say To You

  1. i hurt for you reading this post. i have been there, more than once. the roller coaster of emotions. the anger. at him. at you and it is the worst pain i have ever felt…. i am sorry and hope you find some peace soon. ❤

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