ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod WHAT AM I DOING??? I’m letting myself have feelings for someone else?? Really?? An American of all people?? A fucking soldier of all people!
Last time I attempted something with someone new was tv guy and that turned in to the most epic of all epic fails. I literally could not bare to be around him in the end and the one time I somehow found myself having sex with him, I totally freaked!! I literally ran away and had to be calmed down by moo. If that happens here with him, what the fuck am I going to do?? There’s no moo, there’s no person to run to, there’s no one to stop me crying. If it turns out like last time I swear I’m going to give up all together. And what if I’m just a conquest? Someone finally lays the British girl? I mean, I think if its just about that then hes going through a lot of effort, we have been talking every single day and making plans for the summer and hes trying to sort his leave around when best to see me. So it can’t just be about the sex thing, right?
And then there’s the other awful thing. What if I do really like him. What if we do really get on and have real feelings for each other. I haven’t had real feelings for anyone since ex mr chop, I haven’t wanted to. It will mean really letting go and not having in him my heart anymore. Its so sad. So very sad babe that sometimes I don’t know how to handle it still.
I’m excited and scared shitless. I don’t know what to do