Still Waiting

I’ve been here for about 5, nearly 6 months and things haven’t really changed. I’m still not actively going for what I want or need, I’m in an extreme amount of pain constantly and I still don’t really give a damn about life. I just don’t, I don’t care if I’m around, I feel tired thinking of all the life I have yet to live and deep down I’m still hoping that one day one of my many medical things will just very quickly finish me off. I just don’t have the energy, the motivation or the willingness to be around. I would never do anything to harm myself because I really believe that, that is one of the most selfish and horrifying things you can do to the people who love you. But if something out of my control was to happen then that wouldn’t be the same thing. Getting up and showered and dressed and motivated enough to even do those simple things is really hard. And I don’t know what to do

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