I Remember

Those first I love you’s. The first ever I love you was, at the time, the best moment of my life. I was in love for the first time ever, had been yearning to hear it and when it happened I felt like I was light and thunder at the same time. When I think of that first I love you now it makes me smile at my younger self; I knew nothing about love at that time. And maybe that is when love is at its purest; when there are no other times to compare it to, no other times to make it seem jaded. Its easy to fall in love and believe its forever when you’ve never lost love before. The sad thing is, that first was so long ago, I don’t even remember how it happened. Does that make it less real? Less special? I remember my other ones. No, it took me a long long time to let go of my first and something that held on that strongly had to be real. I wish the ending hadn’t been that way, I wish it had just been a clean break. I wish I hadn’t given in that final time. Can’t change it now.

I remember my second I love you. The realisation of it was more special than the words. We both realised it at the same time, laying in bed having breakfast we both knew there was no where else we would rather be. We saw it in each others eyes. He was going to save it for a more romantic setting at the top of a roller-coaster but circumstances meant otherwise and it was just blurted out and stopped me from making a very silly decision. It was said out of frustration and love. That pretty much sums up the whole relationship really; frustrated love. This was my first real relationship and I don’t think I will ever be able to let him go.

My third I love you was the best one of all. This I love you came from the first relationship where I knew from the moment we met that he was it, the first relationship I fell completely and unequivocally without hesitation in love from the start. The first relationship where I was me and that was ok because he loved me. And he loved me as much as I loved him. This I love you happened because we were both bursting to say it. It happened on a night out that I was going to bail on. It happened after we had hardly seen each other but were fine because we knew the other one was around. This I love you made us forget the world, jump in a cab and race home to just be with each other.

This I love you still lingers with me, still breaks me sometimes. This was the first I love you that taught me sometimes passion can burn to bright; it can only be short lived before it burns you out


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s