I literally don’t know why I’m even alive or what the point of being here is. Even when I think I’m doing good and being better, every single time I start feeling ok about myself, someone is there to remind me that I’m not and I’m still a fuck up and I’m still to hard to have around. Apparently I am a liar. Apparently I am constantly ungrateful and unhelpful. Apparently I am not trying. Apparently I didn’t know this; I really didn’t. I do now of course and I’m left wondering that obviously this is the person I am and I’ve tried to fix me and I’ve tried to ask for help and I’ve tried to be someone completely different and nothing seems to work so, what is the point.
I am not a liar. I am not a bad person. I am not ungrateful. I am not a total fuck up, I am not addicted to drugs or alcohol or been arrested or have a criminal record, I am not violent, I am not unhelpful. I am just not the person some people think I should be. I am just a bit defeated. I am just hoping to die. I am just lost. I am trying not to be these things but its going to take longer than a couple of months.
I wonder though. Whats the point