I’m still really enjoying my job and everything, I’m just finding that it’s a lot more draggy when I’m not working with the core group I get on the best with. Still, every day I’m meeting someone new that I get on with and seeing people that I’ve built a really nice rapport with. I just miss moo so much, I miss having my person who I can ring and hang out with and seriously talk to when ever I want. Its hard to be away from my best friend.
I am so angry and its pathetic why. I’m angry that ex mr chop got a 2:1. I wanted his karma to be for him to fail and from the standard of work he gave in I sort of thought he would and it would teach him a lesson and maybe his mammoth ego would take a little knock so he would learn that hes not amazing and perfect and totally awesome and actually develop a sense of humility. Plus I wanted to be like see! Without me you failed but with me you would have achieved so much. But it looks like he can achieve without me. Then I see the very casual ‘love you’ he was sent. There is the serious ‘I love you’, there is the friendly ‘luv u mate’ and there is the casual often said ‘love you’ between partners. This feels like a casual often said ‘love you’. And if it is more, if it is really a casual often said….then I won’t just be angry that he didn’t need me, I will be angry that I still care when I truly don’t exist for him anymore. I will be angry that the person who said he didn’t want to be in a relationship until he was much much older is back in love and I can not fathom being with someone because I am so afraid that it will just hurt me again. I will be angry that I wasn’t enough for a little shit like him.
Oh and so much for thinking that the ex ex might actually miss me; I emailed him ages ago and nothing, I’ve already stopped existing to him just because I’m not there to screw anymore.
I am starting to get this mad crush on this guy here in Alaska and its nice to know that I can still spark with someone but at the same time I wish I didn’t have this crush because its never going to go anywhere and hes going to be leaving back to university in a month or so anyway so whats the point? I don’t want to have feelings for someone who is just going to be gone. Its nice to have a fantasy and a cheeky flirt though