Don’t know when I’ll be back again (literally).
In 14 hours I shall begin my epic journey (leave from heathrow at 10, change planes in NYC, fly to salt lake city where have a 3 hour layover and then arrive in anchorage at half midnight). We have to leave at 5.30am so I’m going to have to be up at 4 to shower and get the bags in the car and shiz. EFFORT! I just tried to check in online but it said there’s a problem so I have to go to the desk at heathrow WHICH is what happened with lil bro last year and he got bumped up to club class, so I am hoping and praying that I am being bumped up a lot of classes. Cause that would be crackin’.
Have said my goodbyes to the people that matter, am going to give loverr a call tonight after I’ve seen moo (who is taking me somewhere and has put pure love in to today as I have been told). Been up since 6 running around getting myself and my stuff together, cleaning the house, packing, laundry. I am sooo tired already aha.
The ex ex came round for a goodbye today and I was able to get him in to a bed for the first time in about 3 years and for the first time in about 7 months it wasn’t back of the car, fast and furious sex; it was slow, sensual, me in control lovin’ and it was really nice. I am going to miss him a lot. He won’t ever know it but even with the guilt, even not being able to read him, even though we were each others dirty little secret; rediscovering our friendship and being made to feel wanted and beautiful has done so much for me, healed some parts of me that I thought were always going to be broken. It hasn’t healed all of me or some of my bigger parts but that was never going to happen, those part of me (if they ever do) are going to take years to become whole again. But he is my best guy friend, I can tell him anything and not feel judged or uncomfortable about it and we have a laugh so as much as the sex was nice, I’m going to miss his company more than anything.
I am so very sad that I’m going with the intention of probably not coming back and ex mr chop and I were never able to sort us out, get over what happened, try to be friends. And now we will never have that chance and its actually really upsetting. I can’t believe when he walked out august last year that, that was the last time I was ever going to properly see him or speak to him. That being our last talk and our last moments together is horrible because that whole situation was horrible. I wish I had actually meant as much to him as he said and could have at least wanted to try and keep me in his life in a friendly way. I wish he had been less of a coward. It would have been nice to have still had my bantering mate in my life and to be able to say goodbye to him instead of leaving and him not knowing or caring. I suppose it is a good thing I’m going so I can leave this bullshit behind me.
I will miss pubs, the beach, primark, new look, london, bournemouth, uni, uni peeps, charminster, festivals, gigs, elements (lave ignite), bar:me, aruba, the firestation, UK accents, marmite, tea, costa, come dine with me, hollyoaks, big brother, location location location, alton towers, thorpe park, the new forest, toby carvery, harvester, tower park, nandos, my life here.
I will miss moo more than I could ever express and I’m really sad and worried about leaving her behind. I love her a lot. I will miss the whole Gonads family!
So far I have packed my suitcase with my hard stuff and later I’ll do my duffle with my clothes (although I have a bad feeling that more than 1 bag on delta costs more. Going to have to BLAG!
Time to get ready for my moo twinny wifey lover x x x x x x x