Who Knows

I don’t know if I will ever truly forget the ex ex. I don’t know if I will actually ever be able to fully let go of him, he was too big a part of me for so long and to be truthful he has helped heal a large part of me. I will physically let go and move on because I can’t be around him while he is with her anymore but its going to be (already is) very hard. He’s become my friend who I care very much about and although he might not feel the same about me thats ok; I care about people whether they like it or not, whether they deserve it or not cause thats just who I am. If things were different in respect to the girlfriend then yes they would be different all round; I don’t mean being in a relationship but being able to hang out without the guilt and occasionally on a flat surface would be nice.

I don’t know if I will ever 100% get over what ex mr chop did (the effects run deep) and I don’t know how long it will be until he is completely out of my system; until I completely stop missing him or what we had. It still stings but it doesn’t consume me anymore; it still makes me a bit sad but its hard to be sad and miss someone who has completely changed and who isn’t there anymore. I know it has now been a decent amount of time but it took me a year to get over doo-ron and he meant no where near as much to me so I’m not going to worry about that.

Its weird with the ex ex cause I feel like we were over a long time before we actually broke up (he might argue this but then he has to think of the monumental arguments, the lack of sex, the lack of communication, the not liking him going out cause of the lack of trust which WAS earned, the money strain which I’m still paying for by myself by the way), but then I don’t think I actually gave myself enough time to mourn the relationship hence why I still thought about him and had that little episode of texting after the skate gig thing.

I think America will be good for me; time off boys, away from situations that aren’t good for me (that I admittedly do tend to put myself in) and time to just focus on me for a while, see if I can’t sort myself out a bit

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