I’ve been thinking recently, all it could take is one large shot, one low blood sugar in the middle of the day when I’m all alone and it could be over. It would be so easy.
I thought I was back to hating ex mr chop, I thought that I was back to being so angry at him but I’m not; its me, me I’m angry with, me I’m disappointed in, me I’m hating. I’m mad for still being so weak, so reliant on my mum to bail me out. I’m mad that its been a month since I was reassured that I was going to get some help and still nothing. I hate myself for still not stopping being around the ex ex. I’m disappointed in myself for still whining about all of it!! I feel like I keep looking down on myself in utter bemusement screaming to just take control of the situation and change it! To just take it a day at a time and start looking at some positive fucking aspects of my life for a change.
Last week I did a lot of revision and I mean a hell of a lot. My goals this week is to get my indesign done tomorrow, diss and options done weds and start text book revision thurs. Tomorrow I need to ring the docs, wednesday I’m going to pick up my shiz from the pharmacy then go to uni. I am going to revise my ass off, pass my exam, get in to third year, go to beach break next month (AHHHHHHHHHHHHH only next month!!!!!!), go to america and work the summer, come back with some money, move back to bomo and in with moo and M, work my ass off for third year, get at least a 2:2, move to london and get in to publishing, get some experience and then move to new york.
See? I do have plans. All I have to do is not take the easy option and end it all and believe that I can do this.
MTFU is my new motto: Man The Fuck Up!