Make Some Noise…Please?

I use to really enjoy a bit of quiet. I would relish the silence of being in my own little world and would rather lose myself in a book or magazine and just be. I use to love my me time and would get grouchy if I didn’t get it.

I can’t do that anymore. I can’t be alone in my head anymore, I don’t like the quiet, I hate being on my own. I can’t even stand adverts, I have to keep my mind busy doing anything to avoid adverts. There has to always be something going on, something in the background, a T.V program, a film, music and a book; never just a book anymore, I don’t have the same concentration for reading anymore so if I stop, I need something to occupy my mind before I start using it.

Thats the worst thing, I can’t…..picture the stories in my head anymore. I loved to read because when I read, I become involved in that world, I am a part of it, I am the heroine, the villain, the lost, the saved. I could see each chapter evolve and unravel and I don’t care how much of a geek I sound, reading was a source of fun and pleasure. I haven’t been able to read like that in months and months and months. I’ve tried, I’ve read new books, old books, recent favourites, older favourites, favourites from years ago, favourites from when I was a lot younger. But its not the same; the best way to explain it is I feel like I’m reading like a…normal person does, someone who doesn’t read for pleasure but maybe just because they’re really bored and they’re stuck somewhere without a T.V or console. I can’t even hear the different voices of the characters anymore.

This is why I can’t sleep. I can’t have quiet otherwise my mind goes in to overdrive but its really hard to fall asleep with the T.V on. I’ve been trying to just keep it off and let my mind drift and that works every so often unless I wake up. Like last night, couldn’t fall asleep till about 2am but then I woke up at half4am and just could not convince my mind to let me go back to sleep. I started thinking to hard about things I haven’t let myself really look at yet; this apparently happens when you subconsciously feel ready to tackle things your mind was protecting you from. I just wish my subconscious would do this during the day as my conscious self is to tired to deal with these things at 4am.

Mmmmm might try and take a nap before I literally take off someone’s head; I am one CRABBY girl today aha


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