Erghhhhhh have just spent easter day in the hospital being pumped full of fluids and potassium and insulin, drips in both arms, oxygen mask, fluid painkillers and anti nausea medicine they usually reserve for cancer patients. I had moments where I was in so much pain I couldn’t stop shaking and a crappy few minutes where I couldn’t control the crying (which I’ve gotten really really good at, I hardly ever cry in front of people anymore). I was blessed by a vicar whilst in recuss (his wife fainted during his easter sunday morning sermon and when she was taken for an xray he decided to come over and tell mum not to worry about me as it was all in God’s hands now. Thanks mr vicar man!), I had my insulin stopped instead of my empty fluids bag (bad seeing as I was on a sliding scale) AND the IV I had in my right arm just randomly FELL OUT.
So basically a standard day really. Aha. Feel like crap but better than the shit I felt earlier, just really tired from all the prodding and body going from high alert to normal again.
I feel like I’m waiting for another email or something from ex mr chop. Waiting or hoping? I’m not really sure. For him to say what I’m not really sure either. Moo asked if he asked to meet up for a drink would I and I honestly don’t know. I would want to I think but I am so wary about even thinking of something like that happening because of all the other times he’s been in touch and its just gotten me hoping and ended with me being upset and hurt again. To be honest I don’t think actually seeing each other or anything was the point of him getting in touch, I literally think he just wanted things to be civil so if in another 7 or 8 months we see each other, we can at least not have to pretend not to see each other. Basically I’m hopeful that him getting in touch will actually lead to something but I’m extremely doubtful that it will and when it doesn’t yes I will be disappointed but not overly surprised. And I’ll get over it just like I have every other time