It’s been two weeks now since I started the anti depressants which is apparently about the time you are supposed to notice any effects. So far nothing about my sleep has changed, I still can’t and I don’t know if that is to do with depression or just being so use to not sleeping now that I’m stuck in the insomnia pattern. But my mood? I wasn’t really sure if I could tell or notice a difference myself to be honest until my mum pointed it out to me and the girls said something. It was a few days ago (and today actually) that mum really randomly said to me (in a very shocked voice) that I seem to have gotten my sense of humour back. Even my brother is treating me like I’m more pleasant to be around, we haven’t even had an argument in a little while. And yesterday the girls said they didn’t recognise me for a few seconds, that there is just something…different about me. Yeah I keep having bad moments and moments where I’m in the dark place. But I’ve really been working at not letting those times…consume me. I’ve even been getting a bunch of work done!
So I guess its working? Time will tell I suppose. I’m in no rush, I want to do this properly.
Had an email from ex mr chop earlier, wanting to stop the pettiness between us and just be civil so if we do ever run in to each other we can at least give a wave. A nice gesture and it really does mean a lot that he said sorry for the things he said; that whole ‘I hope your life goes down the shitter’ was a little intense. I feel very…calm. Before, every time he got in touch, I would just get so upset and emotional so would just let that take over and it would always end really shitty. A part of me wanted to totally open up and have a really good chat. I kind of wish I had but thats just because of our history. There’s a difference between someone I’m civil with and someone I’m close to. Even if I do wish things were different and that we were still close