My problem is, I have a hard time respecting or listening to someone if I feel like I am smarter than they are.
After letting loose a lot of what I’ve been holding back from mum the other day; the dark stuff, the hole, the bad thoughts, I think I scared her and she badgered my GP for an emergency appointment today where I then got referred a few hours later to go and have an initial assessment by this counsellor guy and was given a prescription for some anti-depressants. Ergh. Anyway, I relented because something does need to be done and I’m not helping the situation by hiding in bed all day.
So off to the counsellor man we went. My appointment wasn’t for an hour and a half or so but I knew if I went home I would never go.
He was a big fat pile of wank who talked at me, didn’t listen to what I was trying to say to him, tried to connect with me in the most intolerably patronising way, didn’t get me at all, didn’t seem to want to try. Told me he didn’t seem to think I had any serious issues and got treated as if I’m just in a bit of a slump. Within ten minutes of talking to him I had already shot mum a look as if to say ‘him? ummm no’. The fact there were so many openings for him to really understand what issues I’m going through which he just sort of ignored, even though they were so obvious, made me think a lot less of him and there went the respect. In the most polite way I could manage, I told him I wanted to talk to someone else and have a more in depth talk cause all we did today, all that he judged my situation on was a really short snap shot of time which achieved nothing. So now I am going for a generic assessment with someone who hopefully know what the fuck they are talking about. He told me that if I haven’t heard from anyone in a few weeks to ring. I told him that isn’t acceptable, that I am not safe to wait any more time and this needs to be done now.
This is me fighting to get myself back. I’m not taking any shit anymore, I’m not waiting months for things to be sorted. I’m done being patient, I’m done risking more of my health and sanity for the NHS basically. They might want to chuck some pills at me and say good luck but I actually want to get better and I’m not accepting that as a fix