This is what I’ve learnt since ex mr chopper and the ex ex.
Communication and honesty are key in making any relationship work. You can’t change a person, you need to accept them for who they are but being in a relationship means compromising and a little bending.
Have your own life, I know a big problem with us was the fact he was in a town that he didn’t have many friends in which made me feel bad so I chose to spend pretty much all of my free time with him, neglecting my own friends and I would then get annoyed if he went out without me cause I’d be bored. This is why I encouraged ex mr chopper to see his friends and go out without me and is why it pisses me off when he blamed his lack of contact with his friends on me instead of his lazy ass.
Things need to be 50/50, I put a lot of pressure on myself being to much of a mother type (over caring nature, putting myself in debt over situations that weren’t my responsibility) and I know that this made him take me for granted which I resented a lot and I also think it can make for a very emasculating situation.
Never stop making an effort. As soon as you stop caring how the other person sees you or how you see the other person, things are going to get shit. The one main difference between the ex ex and ex mr chopper was that ex mr chopper told me more than once every day that I was beautiful and if I had made an effort he would let me know it was appreciated. It made me feel good about myself and made me put in more effort to the relationship. I think the ex ex just sort of stopped seeing me and the things I did for him which is why I stopped caring and stopped trying.
Yeah, I never stopped having a place in my heart for the ex ex but I’ve learnt that, that doesn’t mean my love for ex mr chopper wasn’t real or completely consuming. I could have been really happy with ex mr chop but that doesn’t mean I won’t be really happy with someone else one day. Maybe