I Miss You

I wish I didn’t. This is why its so hard for me every time ex mr chopper gets in touch. To get over my feelings for him, to get over everything and just let it all go, I’ve had to take all those emotions and just shove them deep deep down and lock them up in this mental box. Probably not the healthiest way to get over it but thats what I did. So every time, every random three month message that all of a sudden gets sent to me is like this massive hammer that smashes open my box and I have to work so hard to get it closed again. And when this box gets opened, all those hurt feelings and sadness are the first things to come out because they were the first things to go in the box and are still so very unresolved. If that makes any sense.

It takes time to re-close this box and put everything in order again. I’ll do it, I’ve managed to every other time. It just sucks to have to go through it again and feel all those stupid fucking painful heartbreaking unreturned feelings AGAIN.

Time is making the box shrink, a very little bit at a time but it is shrinking. I’m waiting for the day it finally shrinks out of existence cause that will mean I’ve finally moved on.

Its like he died. This fucking process is taking me so long because its like he died and I’ve been grieving. One minute he was there and then the next he wasn’t and I haven’t seen him or spoken to him since the day he walked out and its like he died. He was my best friend and its like he died

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