No Words

Well, last night and today have been just a little bit shit. I would wish that things could be different, better, easier. But there’s no point cause they won’t be. I would wish that he could understand things without letting his own, wrong, judgements and interpretations get in the way first. But he thinks his way and I think mine. I would wish that we could hear each other. But thats not really something he ever wanted, he just wanted to make sure that on the off chance we ran in to each other (don’t know why he’s worried when its been 5/6 months and it hasnt happened) that it wouldn’t be ‘awkward’.

I understand he was trying to be nice with his first message but he needs to understand thats not how it was going to come across. When someone isn’t in your life for months at a time, made it very clear that they don’t want your friendship and sent messages out to the world about how shit it was being with you, a random nice text out of the blue is not going to make sense and is going to seem suspicious and a little fake. That might not have been the intention but that is how it came across.

But the last comment was way way out of line and way way harsh. You don’t tell someone going through a really difficult time, someone who has dark thoughts and is in a black place, that their life is shit and that they hope it doesn’t get better.

I’m scared that what he said is going to come true and I’m scared that I don’t care if it does

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