FML

Had the dream again for the first time in a few weeks. Always the same. With ex mr chopper and he tells me he hasn’t stopped thinking about me, still loves me, wants me back. Holds my face in his hands and kisses me and I feel safe again. Its always so vivid and so tangible, I always wake up and for a few very brief seconds all is right in my world and I’m happy. But then reality sets in and I remember it was just a dream. After having the dream I always feel like I can feel him more.

I haven’t had that dream in a while. I think maybe I’m sad that this is the first christmas in a long time that I don’t have a boyfriend. This year I really am the family failure, can’t even be proud of being the only one that is holding down a relationship. I think he was also triggered in my head cause this guy came in to work at the last minute last night and was wearing mr ex chopper’s aftershave. Smell always triggers memories for me and I ended up sort of following this poor guy around for a bit.

Fuck my life

Drinks with loverrr tonight! wooooooooooooooooop!

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