Oh god what have I done? I was going stir crazy last night and sent one of those emails where the second you hit send you wince and cringe and go oh shit, what did I just do?
I’ve held these feelings in for the past year and I felt like if I kept schtum any longer I was going to implode. I feel better having gotten it all out and like shit because there would be a certain response that I would love but I know I’m not going to get it. But that wasn’t the point in sending the message, the point was to start living in the way that I regret doing something rather than not doing something. I’m tired of being scared to take the leap and I don’t want to live the rest of my life going what if. What if saying something changed everything. What if saying something changed nothing? I’d rather know, I’d rather be able to look back in 10, 20 years and know the answer. I don’t want to get years down the line and still have these feelings and for it to be to late. People say they wait for the right moment, the right chance, the right opportunity. Well, its now. Its always now, you either take the moment or you live with the knowledge that while you’re waiting for the ‘perfect’ opportunity, something else could get in the way and the moment will never come.
Yeah, it means putting yourself out there for rejection, heartbreak, sadness. But it also means putting yourself out there for happiness, love, success, opportunities. Not too shabby really.
So if this decision/choice goes the way I’d like that would be amazing. If it doesn’t that will be shit but I’ll survive and at least I can be proud of myself and say that I really tried.