I Don’t Know What To Do

I decided in September to not stay in America because I felt like I was running away from my problems, I felt that my health stuff would be sorted, that I wouldn’t be as depressed, I knew I’d miss my girls and my mum too much, miss my home too much. I felt like I would be staying because of how heartbroken I was.

But things haven’t changed, my health isn’t getting better and I’ve tried fixing my mistakes and tried to change things but its not working. I am severely depressed, I’m at the lowest I’ve ever been, my health is dire and I just generally don’t know what I’m doing with my life.

I regret dropping law. I know I could do so well. I just need time to get over this health stuff, get help with this depression, I need an environment where I am pushed until I can push myself again. I use to be so good at that.

All the same arguments for staying and going are still there. Ultimately though, I just don’t see things changing or improving here. More importantly, I don’t see myself being the person I want to be over here either.

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