Sometimes I feel like I’m back to square one and I just can’t stop this overwhelming sadness. I think back to everything that was said, promises we made and I just hate the way its all turned out. I hate that I’m sick and can’t talk to him about it or about any of the fun, crazy stuff thats been going on. I hate that I can’t be there for him when things are stressing him out and its been driving me mad, I don’t understand why I still care! But I do. He was my friend before anything else and I am just one of those people who never really forgets that. Even with people who have really hurt me or let me down or heck accused me of stealing when I never did, I still would be there for them if they needed me. I would still want to turn it around if I could.
Everyone has this perception of me being this cold, moody person who doesn’t like people and yeah, I do think a lot of people do some really stupid things and are generally a pain in my ass, but every single person who has ever touched my life will always be in my heart. I have to put on that cold persona because it is far too easy for me too start caring about them. This is why I put everyone ahead of me, this is why I put myself out there again and again.
I miss my friend, a lot. Nothing more than that, just being able to talk to my friend.