So here I am, in 12 and a half hours I begin the long journey back home, in about 26 hours I shall touch down in the UK, walk through the gate and have my heart broken all over again as I realise he’s not there to surprise me, ask for me back and be with me again.
This is it. This is the big gesture time and if it doesn’t happen I will know that you truly do not love me anymore. Please, please, this has all been so shit, this past month has been so hard and I just need a little ray of light. I need this. You know I’m talking to you karma. I’m coming home, dealing with everything, not leaving anyone in the shit. I could have stayed, it would have been so easy so just give me this. I let go. Not amazingly well in the first few days but I let it go and its supposed to come back to me, thats what people say.
I am so scared cause I know how much its going to hurt when it doesn’t happen and I’m not strong enough yet, its going to break me again and I’m not ready.
Please please hear me. Don’t let his silence mean he wants nothing to do with me, let him realise he wants me. Or at the very least, give me the strength to get myself through this.