Forever Broken

Its been about 2 and a half weeks since he left me. Today is the first day I’ve found the energy to really get anything done. 2 and half weeks of crying, aching and feeling like I can’t breathe. I keep wrapping my arms around myself as if I’ll break and fall apart.

I miss you. I miss what we had. I hate looking on gumtree for a house when all I want is to move in to our place with you. How can you live in that place without me? That room without me? How can you stand being in that dining room? How can you stand taking some other girl back to our room? I couldn’t live in that house without you. I found it, we checked it out, we took the guys to see it, we picked out our room. We had so many plans for that place, you knew how excited I was about the dining room; sunday dinners, thanksgiving, chankukah, christmas. Moo was moving in, you were going to teach me drums.

Most importantly, no aggyness or bills bullshit. Just a house full of our friends and laughter and people to make a home with.

I hope that house is stained for you now. I may never have lived there, we may never have lived there together but the memory of me will always be there and it will never be what it was meant to be.

You are an idiot. Yeah, things have been stressful but we knew that was going to happen! We knew that there was going to be a short period and then we were going to start this amazing new chapter in our fresh start house. I wish you could have been stronger. I wish you could have been ready for us. We could have been it for each other, could have made amazing memories together and been there for each other. I suppose not though, you are too selfish to give yourself like that to another person.

I wish it could have been you. I fell so completely in love with you and you fooled me in to thinking you had fallen for me as well. I hope you did make the right choice cause now we are forever broken. And it is such a shame!! Such a shame we will never have each other again, such a shame that this amazing love has no place anymore and such a shame that you lost someone who would have moved worlds for you and your happiness.

I miss you. I love you.

I love you and I don’t know what to do with that love anymore. I love you and you don’t love me. It’s just so sad babe

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