I miss my friend, my partner in crime. I miss being in Alaska with you, all the little things. We went to Bed Bath and Beyond today and it felt so odd to sit in the massage chair without you next to me, felt so sad. I miss just being able to look over at you and smile, I miss doing placement with you and all the things we don’t get to do anymore like Seward, bungee jumping, living together. I wish you were here for maddie’s birthday, I miss watching you play with her, you were so cute. I wish it was 2 weeks ago when you were still here.
I wish you could tell me how you stopped loving me so maybe I could do the same and stop loving you.
What really happened? I think you never wanted to get back together, I think you never wanted to come to Alaska or move in together at the new place but were too cowardly to say even though I gave you the opportunity to back out. I can’t bare the thought that you stopped loving me, that you didn’t want to come. I can’t stand thinking you hated being around me when I so blindly loved being around you. It breaks my heart all over again.
I feel like I am nothing, I am fading. I hate that you made me feel like this was all my fault, put it all on me. You have made me feel so…worthless. And stupid. You have made me feel like a right fool, the day before you left all I could say was how happy I was and how I loved having you in Alaska to share it all with you, you told me you felt the same. And then you left. Are you that good a liar? Or am I just that naive?